Google Analytics

Sunday, August 15, 2010

Why is grass greener on the other side?

I was invited to a spiritual workshop today. The theme was about self-compassion. The coach explained that in the 80s and 90s, most researches focused on self-esteem, but nowadays, the trend is about self-compassion. Basically, the lesson was about how to love ourselves first before loving others and how to accept the predicament we are in, in order to change. We had a couple of exercises. On the first, we were given a piece of paper to write our harshest judgment; on the second, we were asked to write three things that we appreciate the most about ourselves. At the end, people were asked to read what they wrote if they wanted to.



Hundred percent of the people attending the workshop read their harshest judgment on themselves. Only thirty percent read the three things that they appreciated about themselves and seventy percent, either didn't want to read their positives, or didn't find anything positive about them. I was intrigued to see how people chose to focus more on the things that were negative in their lives than those that are positive. I thought that it was our human condition to blame ourselves. To think that the worst things happen only to us, that the others are always better than us, that we don't deserve anything good, that the neighbors are happier than us, that grass is greener on the other side. Then I tried to play the same scenario in my head and projected it onto Africa. If the same scenario had taken place in Africa in general and in Cameroon in particular, we might have had a different result.



The African child is raised to love himself and bring happiness to his family/community. He knows that his community depends on his achievements. He understands the role that he has to play to make his family proud. He is aware that the only way to accomplish big things is to find that inner peace, love and compassion. He is more focused on being happy rather than sad; on appreciating what is positive about him; on living day-to-day rather than worry about tomorrow, which he has no control over; he is raised to be honest, genuine, loyal and truthful. He is convinced that grass is greener in his heart and not on the other side.



As the only African in that workshop, I tried to understand why most people there were so prolific about negative things in their lives? Why didn’t they want to read their positives? Why did they look so unhappy and miserable? Why were they so pessimistic? Why did they look like prisoners of life? What could explain their predicament? Then, I began to receive some answers to my questions, which I will talk about in my next post.

2 comments:

  1. Interesting. It reminds me of a story I heard once about the Dalai Lama, how after visiting the US he said he couldn't understand how so many people here can walk around holding such hatred for ourselves within ourselves.
    I think you definitely hit ONE nail on the head when you said that the African child is raised to focus on the here and now instead of worrying about the future. Life in the US and most "westernized" countries is ALL about worrying for the future (i.e. will I have enough money? Will I attract the right kind of spouse? Will my children get into a good college? etc) and that is why so many of us are so miserable!

    ReplyDelete
  2. i think people are so pessimistic because all they see is all there flaws in the mirror, they look at people on the tv or magazines and think why cant i be like them?another reson would be fear of what there missing in life in there heads for example the most richest man in the world could have everything that money could buy but love and a stable life.

    ReplyDelete